“Feel” Better: How to Handle the Feelings God Gave You
When it comes to emotions, I’ve found three broad categories of response:
Those who cry
Those who anger, and
Those who shut down
**this is all based on personal observation, and is in no way attached to be quoted for reference if you’re trying to psychoanalyze your friends or yourself**
I fall under the category of “those who cry” (so much so that I have a “how-to” on crying well). And whether you are a crier like myself, or fall under another category, what unites us all is one undeniable fact: emotion is inevitable
Even though this is a universal truth, for some reason, we’ve come to this place where the conversation surrounding emotions is lost in between the “are you like this because you’re on your period?” or switching the subject immediately to avoid getting too “vulnerable”. These conversations, upon many other things such as upbringing, personal experiences, etc. have painted a subconscious picture that emotions and feelings are bad and not to be felt. But we owe it to ourselves to fully express all that God has made us - emotions included.
Say it with me now:
Emotions aren’t bad.
Feeling is not bad.
I will let myself feel.
I will let myself… emote (i believe that is the correct terminology).
“What’s wrong?”
Growing up as a crier and dealing with the anxieties of growing up was difficult. At seven/eight years old, I would literally be in tears for no reason, and then i would be met with the dreaded question - “What’s wrong?” I never had an answer.
The frustration of the face that followed naturally led me to believe that crying was wrong. But as I grew up to face it for what it was, my feelings were okay. God allowed me to feel this way. And the very thing that saved me was turning to Him.
For me, that took on the form of journaling and running. For some, this may look like listening to music. Others, a long drive. Whatever it may be, there is a way to “feel” better.
***Note that if you have anxiety, this is by no means to be taken as professional advice on how to cope, but based on personal experience. Those seeking professional help can begin their search and find resources on https://adaa.org/finding-help.
Here are a few myths about emotions that we’re going to break together:
1. “I’ll come to God after I figure this out”
I grew up with this idea I had to come to God when I was at my best. The days where I didn’t sin that much, prayed before I ate each meal and only had good thoughts about everyone. But the truth is, God can handle us in our entirety. He can handle the depths of the truth of our beings, the vast mess we’ve created, the anger, tears, exasperation - He can handle it and He wants to be there.
“And I said, “This is my anguish; But I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
Psalms 77:10 (ESV)
God draws near to those who are brokenhearted. As someone who has experienced low lows, there is something to be said about simply being in His presence. As much as He is that friend that will sit quiet with us when there’s no more tears to shed, no more words to be spoken, and all we need is someone to simply be with, He is also the one that will listen to us scream and cuss at the anger of our situation.
When it comes to emotions, we often try to internalize and shut them down, or on the other side of the spectrum, project it to others. But the key is to give it all to the One who will never fail us and will meet us exactly as we need.
2. “No one understands”
When it comes to emotions, I sometimes get into this very mentality - no one understands. Bae, God understands. This is the very reason that He sent Jesus down here on earth - to reconcile our relationship with Him and to be the one that has experienced fully what it is to be human and to give us a way to overcome anything in this world.
As Jesus walked this life, he experienced anger, betrayal, sorrow, and all that we think “no one understands”. How beautiful a thing to turn to the one that knows exactly how we feel in this moment and the answer on how to move through it.
3. I am (insert emotion that we’re feeling here)”
“And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.”
Mark 7:26 (ESV)
Let’s be real. Oftentimes we want to dwell. It feels right to stay in anger. It feels right to be sad. It feels right to be here. And yes, 100% acknowledge the emotion and feel what needs to be felt. But there is a difference between feeling what we need and dwelling where we are.
When we dwell in an emotion, we are subject to this trap that we are now that emotion.
“I am angry.”
“I am sad.”
“I am annoyed.”
We feel angry. We feel sad. We feel annoyed, but we are not defined by those feelings. As we feel what we need to feel with God in the center of it all, but we must also have the discernment to know when God’s asking us to relinquish all control and obey what to do now and what to do next.
Feeling is something that we all do, and to shift it to see that this too is something that God can be a part of in the beginning and end, it’s a prayer fulfilled.
With love,
Jo