Lana’s God Moment
A quick rundown of my 2020
I was doing well during summer of 2020. However, I slowly fell into isolation and found myself losing social skills during the pandemic. School didn’t help (I am grateful that we have the privilege to even be in school, but it felt like school was pulling people apart.) I just slightly cracked my knee (so I could barely get around the house and I was stuck in my room all of the time and became addicted to K-pop and Instagram). My social media intake was all over the place (with so many people were throwing shade at each other online. It was a toxic environment that I allowed myself to invest in.)
Life became overwhelming. People were sharing their burdens with me at a time that I didn’t have enough space to hold them because it felt like I had so many of my own to tend to. My mom is a nurse and was constantly exposed to COVID patients. My grandmas who was always with me growing up had to go through the pandemic isolated and alone. I would be on the phone with her while she cried, longing to see her family.
It broke my heart to see the world falling apart and I couldn’t even be there to comfort the people that I love. I felt like my life was beginning to revolve around anxiety and brokenness. My soul and spirit were very low at this point. I questioned the reasons to be alive if everything and everyone were so broken.
When God came through
I remember vividly, one night, I cried in my bed, exhausted. I closed my eyes, falling through a black hole of emptiness. I cried out to God and asked him
“Where are you God? I feel so broken and empty. I need you.”
Then I felt his hand reach out to me. In the midst of it all, God spoke to me.
He told me to hold on to him.
He told me to rely on him.
He told me to let the people who genuinely care about me in because clearly, I couldn’t do it alone.
The Lessons I Learned
1. God reveals himself at all times; it's only a matter of when you choose to seek him.
There will probably be a time in your life where you feel beaten down. At that moment it's important to speak to God wherever you are, and just sit with his presence.
My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me.
Psalms 63:8
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. ...He will proclaim victory over all of your transgressions whether it be insecurity, depression, anxiety, anger, or temptations. God will hear you.
Psalms 23:1 -6
And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
1 John 5:15
2. God moments don't define your relationship with God, it reveals who God truly is.
What defines your relationship with God is the effort and time you put into growing that relationship.
For example, when you’re at your lowest point and a friend is there to comfort you but then once you’re completely healed, you just ignore them and leave them out of the picture. How can you call that a friendship when you’re only using them?
I thought to myself, how can I say that I am close to God when I only spend time with him in my brokenness or when I quickly glance at the bible app or when I say a 5 second prayer before a meal. I could spend hours with people, my phone, and food but I can’t even dedicate the least amount of time to the one who was there for me at my lowest?
I’ve decided that I want to stop being a fake friend to God. If I want a relationship with him then I should spend time with him. Learn more about him by reading the bible. Pray not only to pour my heart out but listen to him. Sit in silence with his presence and be intimate.
Serve him with things that please him like I would do for someone that I love. I’ve only started this just recently so I’ll update you on how it has impacted my life. Lastly, I don’t know who is reading this but I hope that you’re okay and that you would begin/continue to share these wonderful moments with God.
xx,
Lana