Identity: how to confront parents
Feeling like you’re bound by chains, unable to fully and wholeheartedly worship your Lord has got to be one of the most frightening things ever. That, and drowning. Or being face to face with a spider.
I’m here to share my testimony about confronting my mom about my walk with Christ, in hopes that it stirs something in your heart to take that first step.
You are not alone.
Before I dive into my testimony, I want to reassure you that you are not alone. We always hear this phrase, but when it comes down to it, it’s so true.
Whether you can relate to what I’m about to share or you just feel so convicted to share your testimony, please do not hesitate to reach out to us. Better yet, call out to God! (But we’re still here if you need us!)
It came to a point where I asked myself, “Is God even real?”
Here’s a bit of a background on me and my upbringing: if you read up on my God Moment post, this will sound a little familiar.
I was born into a Catholic family. I got baptized, did my confession, and did my First Communion all in a Catholic church. I went to CCD every Saturday morning but I never learned anything. I memorized things, like how to pray with a rosary, the 8 Beatitudes, 15 Questions, you name it.
But that’s the thing, I memorized but didn’t internalize. I didn’t learn the significance of these things and to be quite transparent with you, I still don’t know the significance of some of them.
It came to a point where I asked myself, “Is God even real?”
I felt so bad for asking myself this question. I kept wondering where He was when all along, it was my fault that I didn’t feel His presence.
I was supposed to get confirmed, as one of Catholic faith does, and was expecting to post about it on Instagram, probably captioning it something typical like “#blessed” and maybe even add prayer hands and angel emoji for a bit of pizazz. But then again, I knew that in the back of my mind I’d be like, “I don’t know exactly what this is for. But I’m doing it for my family so I guess it cancels out.”
However, that didn’t happen. It took two years for God to reveal to me why I never ended up getting confirmed.
Do I choose my family or do I choose God?
Fast forward, I’m saved, going to a different church, and having an absolute ball with my brothers and sisters in Christ. But there’s one thing that’s been restricting me from openly, fully, and wholeheartedly worshipping my God - my mom.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom. But at the time, it felt that I was always walking on eggshells around her. I felt that if I said anything that made her and our ‘family tradition’ feel neglected, we would have another fight.
If there’s one thing you should know about Catholicism, it’s that it’s all about the statues. Ninyo, Mother Mary, etc. There was a topic our pastor preached about in church, Rising Above Idolatry. I felt so convicted! I really wanted to share this message with my mom but again, I was afraid of the outcome.
I had to sit down and ask myself, do I choose my family or do I choose God? This was a question I genuinely had trouble answering. I was tired of being bound by these chains. I didn’t want to disappoint my family, but man am I in fear of our Lord. I almost felt guilty for choosing God over my family. When I was having my quiet time, God revealed this verse to me:
“If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine…”
Matthew 10:37 (NLT)
I held this verse very close to my heart, almost laughing at the fact that I felt so scared and guilty when I could’ve just turned to the Word to bring me comfort.
February 22, 2020. I finally put it out in the open at one of our last BAE meetings that I haven’t told my mom and that I really was scared to tell her. I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be, but I kept thinking it was going to be negative.
I already lifted this, what seemed to be, never ending unanswered prayer to Him. The girls agreed to just give it time. I began mentally preparing to wait for weeks, months, maybe even years.
Turns out, I waited 2 hours. Two. Hours. Imagine convincing yourself that it’ll be a long time until God answers your prayer because you think you know everything...but realize that you’re sadly mistaken.
Long story short: I come home from our meeting and I’m journaling. My parents were going out somewhere and my mom came into my room to say goodbye. I’ve had our launch date written on my mirror for over a month, but that day she [finally] asked me, “What’s March 29th?”
I felt my heart, stomach, and jaw drop. I’m an emotional person, but I rarely ever sob. But in that moment, I was sobbing, weeping!
My mom is staring at me with a “Well are you gonna tell me or just keep crying?” face. I pull myself together and the first thing that comes out of my mouth is “Wow, you work fast Lord.” I explain the whole enchilada to my mom and as if I haven’t cried enough already, she says, “I support you!”
I knew it was genuine because she didn’t say it in a condescending way like she normally would. And in that moment, I felt my shackles being broken, the weight being lifted off of my heart and shoulders. The prayer that I thought would never be answered (or at least for a very long time), has finally been answered by God’s grace.
God sees you. God hears you.
In time, He will provide.
All the love
Mal