Breaking Free
I don’t remember exactly when it started, but when it did, I wasn’t able to stop till very recently. This bad habit was nail biting.
Over the years, I tried so hard to kick the bad habit only to start again after a short time. This time around, I know I’ve gotten rid of it for good.
Ugh, this bites…
I think at first, it was just a habit I picked up while feeling bored so I tried to stop by getting my nails done frequently when I entered high school, because that’s when it started getting bad. That only damaged them more and hurt my wallet for years.
When some of my friends began to notice my habit, they would tell me to stop. I never put much thought into why I would bite them, but looking back, I know exactly why. I bit my nails because I was anxious, thinking about what others expected of me and trying to pretend I was okay when I wasn’t.
Academic expectations weighed really heavily on me throughout high school because I felt so much pressure to do so well. I took advanced classes, went to tutoring hours, engaged in extracurriculars, etc. And when my efforts didn’t match my grades, I was devastated.
In college, I experienced some of my worst heartbreaks, but coped in unhealthy ways to make me feel okay temporarily. I was so concerned about putting on a mask just so I wouldn’t make others uncomfortable or feel like a burden, even when I wasn’t.
For so long, I allowed my fears and insecurities to have a hold on my day to day life because I didn’t see myself the way God sees me and I was more concerned about what the world expected of me. I didn’t want to admit it because I was ashamed to tell anybody, especially God.
Biting my nails only made me feel worse, but what did I have to let go of in order to be free from it?
Let Go
Before anything, go to God. He wants us to come to Him, allowing Him to take away our heartache and burdens. The world can’t give you the relief you need because it’s only through Him that it’s possible to experience such immense joy and peace.
“Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.”
Psalms 55:22
There’s no shame in admitting that you need to change, that you need help, that you aren’t where you want to be, because you’re not alone in this. And I wish, as a teen and young(er) adult, that I looked beyond myself more often in order to go to Him in all humility.
“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”
James 1:5 NLT
The very reason I will always repeat, “you are loved, seen, heard, etc” is because I want you all to know and believe it. I pray that you look beyond yourself and see you the way He sees you rather than listening to the enemy’s lies.