Danielle Joy's God Moment
When we think ‘God Moment’ we most likely think about a specific point in time where God became real to us, a moment when all of a sudden we realize that our God was our God. My God moment though, spans an entire year.
Now, I grew up a Christian; pastor’s kid, church every Sunday, expectations of leadership, and held to the higher standard. I always believed that God was real, but my heart wasn’t truly opened to the reality of who God is until just this last year.
2019. The year that would become one of the most significant years in my spiritual walk as a believer. Within the first week of 2019, I experienced what felt like the worst heartbreak I’d ever felt; not your conventional heartbreak of love lost, but one of friendship.
I remember starting off the year with an aching in my chest and no desire to eat or sleep or talk. I lost everything. At least that was my mentality at the time. Little did I know, this was only an orchestration of God over my life. This heartbreak, this pain, this emptiness was only the beginning of what would be a beautiful revelation of God’s faithfulness.
I grew up engulfed in worldly insecurities. I felt I was never enough and this mentality rooted itself in my relationships, in my perceptions of what my calling was, and in my actions. I struggled with the idea of feeling invisible and I always had to prove that I was worth it; this clouded not only the view I had of myself, but of God.
So when I thought I lost my friendships I thought I lost myself. I became trapped in the belief God couldn’t use me. The spirit of rejection was a looming presence over my life and I allowed that spirit to translate into rejection of my callings. The enemy tried to convince me that the spirit of rejection and insecurity would end me.
But it was at the end of what I thought was myself, that brought me to the beginning of who He is.
Towards the end of 2019, it became apparent to me that God took this quiet, invisible, frail-spirited girl and crafted her into a woman of boldness, of creativity, and of leadership.
The beginning of 2019 began in brokenness, but it ended in transformation.
It was no specific moment, but a process that took place over a long period of time. This is why I can’t pinpoint one specific moment where I turned to God and was like, “Eureka!” but it was a slow and steady process of God revealing new things constantly.
I look back on the person I was when I was thirteen and I realize that the person I am now is a physical manifestation of God’s love for me. He took me in my brokenness, in my invisibility, in my insecurity, in my shortcomings, and in my “unqualified” and began to use me as a vessel. God positioned me in that season of worldly and relational dependence to step into my calling, one that I tried to avoid for so many years.
But God has this amazing ability to work in ways you never thought were possible. I struggled with social anxiety and depressive episodes, but today I stand before you as a worship leader, as a youth leader, and as an (amateur) graphic designer (we’re working on it).
The God who created the universe, the God who performed miracles, chose me even when I didn’t choose myself. In the times I thought God wasn’t there, He was only creating, crafting, orchestrating. In the times I thought it was the end, it was merely the beginning of something new.
In the moments where I thought I lost my closest friends and I was alone was when God met me where I was and showed me that even in the times where I prioritized this world over Him, He never left my side.
My God never abandoned me. Sometimes we just need to experience the end of relationships, of jobs, of passions, and things of this world to experience the beginning of a life reliant on Christ and that life is so much better than any life we could make solely on this Earth.
Sometimes we can’t see what God is doing behind the scenes, but I assure you He is working just like He was (and is) in my life. It is by the grace of God that I can honestly say my pain was not wasted. My efforts were not cast aside. My God is faithful and I have been emboldened with God-given purpose. Now, I am blessed to say He has brought me into something far bigger than myself.
“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:19