Hannah’s God Moment
Everyone struggles with insecurity: “I need to lose weight”, “I’m not pretty enough” or “I’m not good enough” run through many of our minds. Everyone goes through it, so I should just brush it off, it’s no big deal, right? WRONG.
That’s what the devil wants you to believe. He makes you think that this “common” problem is reality. He makes you believe that “it’s okay to feel bad about yourself, it’s just who you are”.
My identity was being molded by the voices of others
When I was really young, I was bullied by my apartment neighbors. As I got older, I was bullied by my closest friends. They all called me names, discluded me from events, made me feel bad about myself, talked about me behind my back and sometimes in my face. So growing up, I struggled with insecurity.
I was unsure of what to feel about myself because other people said this and that about me. I thought I was confident and great at something but my friends said otherwise. I listened to the voices of other people who eventually molded thoughts I had about myself instead of listening to the voice of God. I started to live a hesitant, submissive life because I wanted to avoid exposing who I thought I was.
Questions I should’ve asked myself:
Who am I listening to?--My parents? My friends/followers? God?
Whose words am I allowing to enter my mind, heart?--My abusive boyfriend? Fake friends? God?
Who really, am I?
Fast Forward to 2019, I attended a youth and young adult retreat. One day I had a vision and it was as if the word “insecurity” was a person and I was choking her. The very next day, I was prayed over by one of my leaders. She mentioned the vision I had because she saw the same thing. This time, I was choking. It was as if all I was doing to the “insecurity” person was happening to me. I lost control of my breathing, I was uncontrollably coughing, and I suddenly threw up.
I threw up all the pain, I threw up all the doubt, I threw up all the missed opportunities, I threw up the shame and lies, I threw up insecurity.
Throwing up, according to Google, is “a reflex that allows the body to rid itself of ingested toxins and poisons”. For years, I ingested toxic words and poisonous thoughts. I allowed them to linger in my mind, heart.
Honestly, as gross as throwing up is, it makes you feel much better. I felt lighter, no discomfort, and just a lot darn better. I had room in me to ingest all the good, godly, and pure.
Questions to ask yourself:
What toxins/poisons am I keeping in me?
What do I need to get rid of so that I have room for better things?
What “normalized” thing am I keeping in me that shouldn’t be normal?
Yes, from time to time I have insecure moments because I am human. However, when I accidentally take a bite of something toxic, I’ll spit it right out because, “No Satan! Not Today! I am fearfully and wonderfully made in MY GOD’s IMAGE, not yours, mine, or anyone else’s!”
“ I am fearfully and wonderfully made; And my soul knows it very well.”
Psalms 139:14 (paraphrased)
Don’t just take my word for it. Go in The Word and go in deep. Let your soul know who you are because Our Creator says so. You are a wonderful, beautiful daughter of God. You were created beautiful in His image. He dared to make YOU so take hold of that. Understand who you are in Christ and live just like it. No one, no boy, no parent, no hater, not even yourself, can dispute your identity in Christ. So live on sister, like the daughter of Christ you are!